Things I Can Control in my Life.

I'm sad maybe depressed today and the last few days, maybe weeks. Today though I have tears.
My daughter is struggling harder with her anxiety and depression which is manifesting itself by staying in bed - doing very little. Having days of binging and eating trash food - basically throwing herself out a window - in a less dangerous sense. But I'm not sure it really is less dangerous.
Anyway, this sends me down the "I'm a bad Mom" track which is not good for me. At All!
And on top of that the politics, the violence, the racism the backlash of that, the arguments, the "taking sides" when all I want is a world where everyone is loved and accepted! That's pushing me down into a deep hole as well.
And everyday, I get kind of obsessive compulsive about making my fitbit goals. A few nights ago, at 11:56, I remembered to check my stairs - I was short 1 - I'd been close to sleep - but I had to jump out of bed and go down downstairs and back up - Yay! I made 10 flights.
In a way I feel that's kind of sick. But I had 3 minutes - plenty of time - I live in a split level house. I would not have gone down the street.
I also don't worry over the calorie burning or the sleep and I DO NOT enter food. I don't care so much about those things - and I have a bit less control over them and I don't like the tediousness of food counting.
And so, I pray for my daughter to find her energy to go introduce herself to the Starbucks' managers. I pray for myself that I find my inner peace. And I pray for the world and government that there will be good answers - positive forces working.

One month later...

Oops! I posted a month ago.
What's happening exercise wise? Still walking, steps counting, miles counting, etc. I've had no mishaps, no falls, no adventures really. Oh there was the guy that needed to borrow my phone - at first I called the number but he ended up with it in his hands. (And no, this isn't a theft story) What made it interesting was that Dave and I were on our walk, this young guy needed to call about a ride because his friends left him. He did have two other friends. Ahead of us, we'd seen some police cars. So his conversation sounded something like this. "You gotta come back for me. The cops are gone. They didn't do anything to us, come back!"
Yikes, were these kids involved in some kind of illegal activity? And now my phone number will be on their phone records?
We never saw them again - so hopefully they got their ride back home. And so far, no calls from the police asking us how we know these guys.
I haven't ridden my bike. For work, I've had lots of outreach visits or needed to get back and forth from one library to another, so biking wouldn't work. And I tend to walk to a store if it's within a mile or two, so it's not that I'm driving everywhere instead of biking.
Exciting life news is that Dave and I are planning to go to Guatemala in October for a 1-week immersion trip. We even have airline reservations.
This feels like a pilgrimage for my Mom who always wanted to go back there but never did. We were there in 1961. It's now 2016! Isn't that strange? I was 6 years old. Now I'm 61.

The Daughter, Dad and Dog.

Father and son on Father's Day.